More Observations from the Beach
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Taking on jellyfish, one stinger at a time
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While people-watching or just experiencing people (myself or others) can be entertaining no matter where it is done, somehow the beach provides the richest vein of human fabric. Thus, some more ocean-side observations:
- I saw some stunningly attractive blondes in (barely) swim wear and I will never understand why they choose to dye their roots dark.
- When I was in college, sitting on the beach meant drinking beers, thinking about where I would eat for dinner, and perhaps try to meet someone of the female gland. Now married with kids, sitting on the beach means chasing my kids to make sure they’re safe, praying I will survive the indigestion festival known as the “family dinner,” and hoping I can slip away to bed before my familial captors find out.
- My 7 year old son was going to place a jelly-fish back into the water when the impassioned pleas from a lady stopped him. After all, she argued, being stung by such was worse than the worst sunburn. Fair enough. But I couldn’t help but thinking as we walked away: 1 down, 999,999 to go for this beach. While the longest journey does begin with a single step (or in this case, jellyfish), not only do I think this woman’s journey will not end but I don’t think it will even effectively begin.
- I truly believe that most lifeguards become drill-sergeants.
- Thanks to my wife, my family will likely not die from skin disease because of her diligent application of suntan lotion. However, we will likely succumb to aerosol vapor disease and blindness as she saturates us with the stuff to the point we are gasping and it is pouring from our faces.
- 2 beers and the sun is bliss; 6 beers and the sun is a coma.
- My 7 year old son picks up small crabs in the jetties on the beach with utterly no fear of being pinched by their claws, as he was. If I had one placed in my hand, as he wanted to do, I would be screaming hysterically and pass out like Pee Wee Herman carrying the snakes out of the pet store on fire in his first movie.
- This year’s Asbury Park July 4 fireworks show was on the beach with its end seeming like the universe was exploding. Yes, the several beers I had may have pronounced their effect, but it was still an incredibly well done job.
- A silhouette of me trekking across the beach carrying coolers, chairs, umbrellas and towels (while the family is skipping care-free with nothing) gives an aura of both the majesty and moral imperative of Moses along with the servitude of a Grand Canyon pack mule.
- Yes kids, I’m a “bad daddy”: I won’t be your human surfboard.
- 10 beers and the sun is the morgue (from what I can guess, of course).
Perhaps it’s best that the beach season is only 3 months a year: at middle-age with a family, I don’t think I could handle any longer.
-I.M. Windee
