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The Democrats’ Impeachment Cartoon….

Turkeygate

Veteran’s Day: President Lincoln Weighs In

The Democrats’ Impeachment Cartoon….

Posted in: Ruminations | Comments (0)

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…with Bugs McConnell and Elmer J. Nadler

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The House Judiciary Committee chaired by Democrat Rep. Jerry Nadler opens impeachment hearings tomorrow and just as the House Intelligence Committee hearings did, I will be reminded of Bugs Bunny turning Elmer J. Fudd’s gun against him.
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Watch for Bugs McConnell to turn the Democrats’ guns on them during the Senate impeachment trial

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It could be very entertaining to watch the impeachment trial in the hands of Senate leader Mitch McConnell, more aptly Bugs McConnell.
 
Don’t think he will not be paying attention to the Iowa and New Hampshire campaign calendars.
 
No doubt when Sens. Warren or Sanders have a big campaign event in either state, there will be an impeachment procedural vote that they must attend, if not the actual trial itself.
 
I suspect Mr. McConnell will have inconveniently timed adjournments of the trial to sort through matters, only to be resolved as soon as the good senators set foot in the Hawkeye or Granite states. So unless Sens. Warren or Sanders want nothing but to rack up frequent flier mileage, I recommend they not even waste their time flying to either state for as soon as their planes touch down, they will have to taxi for take-off to head back to D.C.
 
And while as a Republican or non-Liberal American it is foolish to wish an impeachment since no one knows where it will go, as it is a fait accompli, I will sit back and enjoy the anguish Sens. Warren or Sanders will go through when having to choose between the campaign trail or their Senate duties, to the extent they will even have a choice.
 
And all this for what will be a non-removal despite the likes of the Democrats and Sen. Mitt McCain.
 
I recommend to Mr. McConnell that he tell the good senators to forward all complaints to House Committee Chairmen Schiff and Nadler as they’ll have made it all possible.

-I.M. Windee

admin @ December 3, 2019

Turkeygate

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A Presidential pardon leads to yet another Trump scandal

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Last week President Trump joked about this year’s White House turkeys, Bread & Butter, being subpoenaed by Adam Schiff’s Intelligence Committee after the president pardoned them in an annual White House tradition.

Yet as much as the president wants to change the subject, some serious questions were raised.

To wit, was there a quid pro quo between the president and the turkeys? Perhaps the turkeys gave the names of other turkeys that are tastier in exchange for their commutation.

President Trump tried to joke away yet another scandal that while the majority of American people may not spot, the Democrats certainly will

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And was any of the grain that the turkeys ate imported from Russia, which would show yet another interference into American politics by Vladimir Putin?

Maybe the president wanted to gain some good publicity as he goes into his re-election campaign. Did the turkeys, through their pardons, provide value to his campaign that exceeded federal campaign limits?

And what was the gender of the turkeys? We know Trump has a soft spot for females? Did that affect his decision?

Also, little is spoken of the farm the turkeys came from. Did the president have a financial interest, direct or indirect, in the farm? A foreign farm could bring up issues with the emoluments clause of the constitution.

Most importantly, has Mr. Trump’s lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, had a turkey sandwich he didn’t like within the past year? Such could show an undue influence by Giuliani on the administration’s policies.

As Chairman Schiff has quoted Ben Franklin, we “have a republic if [we] can keep it,” we should never forget that the republic cannot be preserved if  pardons of turkeys are made by self-interested presidents, whether Republican or Democrat.

Depending upon how this scandal unfolds, Mr. Trump may be able to show that Bread & Butter are not the only turkeys in Washington, D.C.

-I.M. Windee

admin @ December 2, 2019

Veteran’s Day: President Lincoln Weighs In

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The following, published here every Memorial Day weekend and Veteran’s Day, is a letter from President Lincoln sent to a mother whose sons died in the Civil War for the Union cause

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President Lincoln realized that sacrifice must be made to preserve the republic

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Executive Mansion,
Washington, Nov. 21, 1864.

Dear Madam,

I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle. I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save. I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom.

Yours, very sincerely and respectfully,

A. Lincoln

admin @ November 9, 2019

Corporate Applause……

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…from a corporatized I.M. Windee

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The following is an internal communiqué to one of Windee’s colleagues:

Spot on, Jones!!!

Your idea is a game changer that displays thought leadership and is a pro-active, value add-on to the commonly misunderstood paradigm of the moving-parts of our business and the resulting synergy will allow scalable best practices that will avoid pain points. Such will lead to managed, dynamic, organic growth for The Daily Yap.

You are clearly no Ideate.

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 Despite his irreverent and satirical prose, I.M. Windee is a corporate….nay…..an “office guy” as his business lexicon displays

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At the End of the Day, this will allow us to drill down into our mind maps and take ownership of our productivity pipelines (I’m talking in a corporate sense so PUT THE HASHTAG DOWN!!!) which will enable us to streamline our mission-critical deliverables process, to an aggregated, right-sized scale.

The bottom line: this will double our readership and we owe it all to you for moving us from 2 to 4 consumers.

Going forward, I will reach out to you, albeit offline and virtually but not through face-time, to make it happen.

I will also ask you to translate to me what the heck I just said.

I.M.W.

enclosures: not needed.

IMW/imw

admin @ November 5, 2019

The Virtue of Not Keeping Campaign Promises

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The crisis resulting from the U.S. military pullout from northern Syria was not worth keeping the campaign promise to end American involvement abroad

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This page has been silent to date about the surreal presidency of Donald Trump.

For every step backwards there are one-and-a-half steps forward made by this chaotic president. So to get caught up in the moment is futile and ultimately exhausting.

But Mr. Trump’s pullout of 1,000 troops from northern Syria was an epoch blunder with huge downside and no benefit.

Image result for trump mocking challenged kid on campaign trail

It’s one thing to be spazztic on the campaign trail but completely another when occupying the Oval Office

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For starters, he has abandoned the Kurds who were an ally against the barbaric Islamic State. They are now subject to the un-tender mercies of Turkey that deems the Kurds a bigger threat than Islamic State. Unless the invasion by Turkey of northern Syria ends soon, this will turn into a bloodbath tantamount to a mini-genocide, the blood of which will be on Mr. Trump’s hands.

Thereafter, the rest of the world, Russian president Vladimir Putin in particular, senses a chaos and weakness in this president that can be exploited and Mr. Putin never wastes such opportunities. Russia will fill the vacuum caused by the U.S. pullout.

China, too, will also feel more ambitious in its dealings with and foothold in the African continent as it can be easily assumed that Mr. Trump would never bother to waste U.S. resources on any inappropriate Chinese presence in Africa, even if they planted 10 army divisions right in the middle of the continent.

And now Islamic State is given the chance to re-group and spread a new reign of terror that the U.S. will have to fight again. Mr. Trump doesn’t realize it’s far better to keep boots on the ground than leave a battlefield and re-enter it. In that, he will have cost U.S. lives though he’ll never admit to it.

Trump defended the withdrawal, saying “endless wars must end.”

That’s nice jingoism but the truth is asymmetrical wars like that of terror don’t have delineated beginnings and ends. Some have never stopped, others end and pop up with new players. But the result is the same: wanton slaughter that must be fought and defeated. Islamic State came only after Al-Qaeda was rolled back so it is a virtually new moniker but others will follow under different names yet same modus operandi.

One of Mr. Trump’s calling cards has been that he’s different from the usual politician and he used that along with a promise to shake up the status quo (“drain the swamp”) to get into office. Hence his belief that he’s merely fulfilling a promise that he made on the campaign trail, unlike politicians when they get into office.

But there is a huge difference in perspective from the campaign trail and the Oval Office. An aspiring presidential candidate does not have the information that a president does which would indicate the consequences of their proposed actions. And taking any position on the campaign trail has no effect unlike taking such action as president where lives are on the line, in this case both American when we re-enter northern Syria and Kurdish right now.

And with this move Mr.Trump has done what was thought impossible: create broad congressional bi-partisanship. In this case, against the withdrawal.

Yesterday the House voted on a resolution opposing President Trump’s withdrawal from northern Syria and noting the mayhem that has resulted. The House voted 354 to 60 for the resolution. Lopsided votes like that don’t come around often in this heated partisan era.

While Democrats voted 225-0, which was no surprise, Republicans also voted in favor of the rebuke, 129-60, and they included Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, whip Steve Scalise and Conference Chair Liz Cheney. National security experts Mac Thornberry, former Chairman of the Armed Services Committee; top Foreign Affairs Republican Michael McCaul ; and rising star and Marine veteran Michael Gallagher also opposed the President. The magnitude of the vote suggests comparable majorities when the resolution hits the Senate floor.

There are no good political nor military options for the president and as this is written, Secretary of State Pompeo and Vice-President Pence have been dispatched to Turkey to try to convince it to end its invasion. Good luck.

Up until now, Republicans (and this page) have generally stayed allied to this president as the potential alternatives are not alternatives.

But this Syrian blunder leads even the most staunch Trump supporter to ask whether Mr. Trump is up to the task of Commander-in-Chief.

-I.M. Windee

 

admin @ October 17, 2019

A Windee Graduation Speech: Absolute Success Corrupts Absolutely

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The following is one of a series published here every graduation season

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“Thank you for that extended ovation. It affirms my decision to request that audience applause signs be installed and an activation button placed under my foot.

Today you are here with the most opportunity laid before the feet of any graduating class. Disregard what is said about American Decline; you live in what is known to be the most technologically advanced society known to humanity. Yes, we have shortcomings to be addressed but how we communicate, our life expectancy and medical care, our housing, transportation, sources of knowledge, etc. overall exceed anything in the past.

You are set up for great success and many of you will achieve such.

Image result for otto von bismarckBud Fox 2

 A 19th-century German chancellor foresaw 20th-century corrupted people

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But if you do, I ask that you never lose your moorings. Never become, as my grandmother used to say, too big for your britches. In short, don’t let success go to your head to make you discard, assuming you now have them, the basic human values that we should always have.

If you look around your classmates, you will see several that will become wildly successful in the conventional, if not true, sense. There are likely several captains of industry amongst you.

Amongst them are some of the finest, down-to-earth people you may ever know. Unfortunately, that could well change when they achieve success.

I am familiar with a person who was worthy of beatification in his 20s. Through hard work and, of course, luck, he is now extremely successful in the corporate world. Unfortunately, such has skewed his judgment and now the status of the people he associates with, as well as the country clubs they belong to and their tax brackets, are the dispositive factor in whether they are worthy to be in his orbit.

The 19th-century German Chancellor Otto Von Bismarck once observed that absolute power corrupts absolutely. So too does absolute success corrupt the mores of even the best of people. I ask you not to fall into such trap.

I close with what Portfolia U’s administration has required me to remind you of: that your donations to your alma mater not only help humanity but are tax-deductible.

I must now take a large dose of Dramamine.

Godspeed to you.

-I.M. Windee

admin @ June 3, 2019

A Windee Graduation Speech: Avoiding The Road Not Worth Taking

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The following is one of a series published here every graduation season

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“Thank you for that roaring ovation. Throwing the rose peddles was touching and even more so because they were the kind I requested.

While most speeches speak to soaring platitiudes and grandiose goals, I offer far more practical, albeit strategic, advice.

In a speech I recently gave, I advised graduates that their success would be directly tied to the people they surround themselves with.

This means it’s important not to surround yourself with people who will not make you successful as well as avoiding bad deals.

There are people out there who can only lower your batting average and choices which while giving instant gratification will only be bad for you in the long run. Such must be avoided.

Image result for fork in the road

Choices in life may not be so obvious nor easy to make

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To be with people who will benefit you, you can’t be with those who will not.

And such choices will not always be easy nor obvious. One of the harder things to do in life is to accept one facet of the quixotic refrigerator magnet wisdom:  grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

Accepting that certain people will not be a part of your winning team can be difficult, but must be done.

In 1986, President Reagan, in Reykjavik, Iceland, walked away from what would have been a short-term political victory in a nuclear arms deal with the Soviet Union because he knew that the deal was bad for the country. It took fortitude but he had it. A year later he got the deal he wanted.

You too will be tested throughout your personal and professional lives with bad options disguised as good ones. I urge you to walk away from such.

Finally, I close with wisdom that your administration here at Moneteria University required that I impart today in order to speak before you: be generous alumni and give often to your alma mater.

I will go home now and take a hot bath for 2 hours.

Godspeed to you all.

-I.M. Windee

 

admin @ May 28, 2019

Memorial Day: President Lincoln Weighs In

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The following, published here every Memorial Day weekend and Veteran’s Day, is a letter from President Lincoln sent to a mother whose sons died in the Civil War for the Union cause

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President Lincoln realized that sacrifice must be made to preserve the republic

__________________________________________________________

Executive Mansion,
Washington, Nov. 21, 1864.

Dear Madam,

I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle. I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save. I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom.

Yours, very sincerely and respectfully,

A. Lincoln

admin @ May 24, 2019

A Windee Graduation Speech: Your Team For Success

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The following is one of a series published here every graduation season

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“Thank you for that roaring ovation. You really know how to appreciate a great commencement speaker.

Before I wax philosophical, I ask the graduating class to do what I asked my law school graduating class to do when I gave the speech as class president: please rise and give a standing ovation to the people that made it possible for you to be here today. Namely, your family, friends, spouses, loved ones, mentors, teachers and any other supporting cast who got you into this end-zone.Image result for endzone celebration steelers

To get into the end-zone of life, you’ll need a good team around you

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Because whether you realize it or not, you will not achieve success, however each of you define it, without the help of others.

To get here today, you had parents who sired you. And I heard pregnancy is no picnic so your mothers deserve honorable mention, to say the least. Thereafter, once you landed on this planet, you were raised. From diapers to adulthood, there was a lot done and much sacrifice by those who raised you. Sleepless nights at your birth and sleepless nights in your teenage years, sandwiching exasperation.

But here you are.

Yet your team of supporters will expand as you enter the world and pursue your callings. If you think you will succeed alone, think again.

Astronaut Neil Armstrong. who is the first-known human-being to set foot on the moon, said about that 1969 mission, and I quote, I was certainly aware that this was a culmination of the work of 300,000 or 400,000 people over a decade.” Mr. Armstrong recognized that when he set foot on the lunar dust, it was not the first seconds of an effort by one person but the culmination of many people’s efforts over a long period of time. So, too, will your lunar landings be the product of a team effort and not just solely your talent and energy. This reality cannot be lost especially in this age as individualism has increased to perhaps an all-time human high. There are even world leaders who claim that isolationism for their countries is the best path. Nothing could be more wrong. The human endeavor is a team sport. Individualism is an important aspect of advancing it but in the end, for us to win, it must be done as a team. So as you embark on your mission called life, remember to not only pick a good team, but also recognize and appreciate them.

That is all I have to say today but when I presented this speech to the administration they said it was a bit short and requested that I add to it and text was even provided.

With that said, I ask you to remember how much you have benefited from your education here at Currencia U. and that you give back and financially support your alma mater.

I should’ve written a longer speech.

Godspeed to you.”
 -I.M. Windee

admin @ May 23, 2019

Reflections From Another Tax Season

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THE FOLLOWING IS UPDATED AND PUBLISHED EVERY APRIL 15

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An accountant recalls (non) Kodak moments from another tax season

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As another tax busy season slogs to a close, this CPA has some memories:

  • (client) “Why must I give you the same forms that I gave to you last year? Can’t you just use those?”
  • (the wife on March 20) “I booked our vacation for April 1-7; we got a great rate!”
  • (a client on March 25) “I want to thank you for the great job on my taxes. How about dinner the first week of April?”
  • (client) “Why must I pay? I don’t like what the government does with my money!”
  • (client) “I realize you’re 5 days from a final deadline but I really wanna talk about tax planning for next year. Would you call me in the next hour?”

Recounting another tax season

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  • Some clients you must gently warn of the potential downsides of aggressive tax positions; others you must read the federal sentencing guidelines to.
  • The public accounting analog to “will you love me in the morning?” is “will you still employ me after April 15?”
  • (client) “Mr. Windee: in response to your request for my wage statements, I enclose all of my charitable contributions. I trust you now have everything and can complete my return.”
  • Perhaps more than any other industry, CPA firms go all-out to be named “one of the best firms to work for.” An excellent rule of thumb is when you see a firm with one or several such awards, avoid it like the plague…at least as an employee.
  • (client) “Hi. I dropped my taxes off this morning and was wondering if I could pick  up my returns now.”
  • “I wasn’t expecting such a high quote of $400 to have your firm do my taxes. I think I’ll just go back to H&R Block and pay $500.”
  • Being a public-accountant is the art of wanting to tell some of your clients “go &@%#!$%!* yourself!!!” but instead saying “thank you for being my client.”
  • (partner) “Look, I know that Widget Corp. is and has been a tough client who had 3 bookkeepers last year, multiple staff turnover on our side and their books are a mess; not to mention that the owner is recalcitrant and disagrees with everything for the sake of disagreeing. BUT WHY ARE WE OVERBUDGET WITH THEM AND THEIR TAXES NOT COMPLETED??!!??”
  • During tax season, snow days reveal the inherent dichotomy of mindset between staff and management. For staff, a light dusting means staying home for a week and hoping the apocalypse will pass. For management, 3 feet of snow can be easily driven in if you have 4-wheel drive and good tires.
  • (partner) “I’m glad you came in on the new daylight savings time. But remember: at the end of the day it is really an hour earlier under the old time so feel free to stay and make it up.”
  • (to client): “We need your brokerage statements to complete your return.” (client): “Okay. What do you need to complete my return?”
  • (client e-mail) I still have to get you the remainder of my tax papers. :) And the deadline is only 2 weeks away. :) :)  I’ll be on vacation next week in the Bahamas. :) :) :) I’ll get you everything when I get back. :) :) :) :) Boy, I bet you could use a vacation! :) :) :) :) :)
  • (client) “I only gave 4 of the 24 pages of my brokerage statement to you as I did not want to overwhelm you. I also figured that this would keep the bill for your services down. You’re welcome.”
  • (client) “Is a deposit on my grave tax-deductible?”  Yes, in the after-life.
  • (client) “I tagged and identified what each self-explanatory document is (1099, w-2, etc.) just in case you couldn’t understand them. But I threw my receipts in an envelope and assume you can figure them out.”
  • (client) “Mr. Windee: I got your voicemail about brokerage statements and to answer your question, I included the food store flier as I took advantage of their 10% Off Sale and wasn’t sure if that had tax implications.
  • (client) “This is unbelievable. You mean I owe $200,000 of taxes on 1 million dollars of income??!!?? I can’t comprehend this misfortune!!! WHY??!!??”
  • For a deceased client’s final return, what address do you use? Heaven? Hell? How about their occupation? Corpse?
  • (I.M. Windee after a performance review): “That which does not kill you puts you in the ICU.”
  • (a partner): “I am sensitive to the fact that you are commuting 3 hours a day and am granting your request to work at home 1 day a week: Sundays.”
  • When the recruiter who has been non-responsive to you puts a video on LinkedIn using a sock-puppet to explain the recruiter-candidate relationship, you quickly come to the harsh reality that the sock-puppet will find a job for you far quicker than the recruiter.
  • (client) “IT’S %^&%%#%$#-ING PALM SUNDAY AND YOU WANNA TALK TO ME ABOUT TAXES THAT I OWE??!!??  THIS IS HORSE-&$%&%!!!! I WANTED TO SPEND THIS @%$&*%$%-ING HOLY DAY WITH MY FAMILY!!!”
  • (a partner in a performance review): “Look, I know you do not want to exceed budgets but you MUST record all of your time. Now, about the Widget Co. return, YOU BLEW THE BUDGET!!!  WHAT HAPPENED??!!??”
  • Most public accounting firms have a two-prong employee retention program: high unemployment and the counter-offer.
  • (client) “I know you might be busy as it’s April 10 but I got the 17th and final notice before levy for me to file a franchise tax return for 2 years ago. I didn’t give you the prior 16 notices as I assumed this would all blow over. They gave us 10 days from receipt to file which means it must be submitted tomorrow.”
  • (client) “I don’t mind [sort of] paying you for your services but my refund was only $300; isn’t your fee of $200 a bit much compared to my refund?”
  • To the client who generously gave $20,000 of non-cash donations in the form of various household items: “Your New Jersey return shows a refund, would you like to donate to any of the charitable causes listed on it?” The answer is predictable.
  • (the client from March 25 above) “I haven’t heard from you. May I presume Friday night, April 1?”
  • (client) “Is there a box I may check on the return that switches me from Liberal to Conservative so I may pay less? Those wild-eyed Conservatives are starting to look more reasonable.”
  • (client) “My taxes this year should be easy as there’s not much to report: most of my income was paid in cash.”
  • A power outage made me appreciate auto-save and document recovery in many programs. How was it done before computers? A power outage meant all work on paper was lost, no doubt.
  • (client) “It’s so stressful trying to get my papers to you. How do you do it?”
  • When a partner tells you that you’re not paying for yourself when you work 50 hours a week and are billed out at 3 times what you are paid, you feel like the $4 candy bar that hotels claim they lose money on.
  • (the wife when working home): “DON’T TELL ME IT’S MARCH 30 AND YOU’RE BUSY WITH TAXES!! I SAW YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM WHICH IS NOT EXACTLY ‘WORKING FROM HOME’! Now the garage needs painting; put on your overalls and grab a brush. After that you’re take me shopping.”
  • (client)  “Did you e-file my returns yet?” IMW: “No, did you send back authorization to do so?” Client: “No, but why didn’t you e-file my returns yet?”
  • (an accounting firm partner calling on the phone) “I’m looking at line 17 of Schedule E of the Smith return. How did you get to that amount?!?…..What do you mean you can’t recall?!?….YOU PREPARED THE RETURN ONLY 2 MONTHS AGO!…..You want to refresh your memory?!?…..What do you think this is, the courtroom?!?…..I think you’re suffering from memory loss!”
  • (virtually any accounting firm partner in the full-heat portion of their career e-mailing a staff member) “We are in the business of providing answers to our clients. If every time they came to us with a question and we responded with a deer in the headlight look, they would not come back to us. Which means they would not pay us. Which means we would not pay you. I trust you see the interrelationship. If you are unable to immediately provide answers to complex, arcane and often unexplored questions of tax law, may I suggest another shop? Jackson Hewitt and H&R Block come to mind. At least there you would be only asked what the standard deduction amount is, although I’m not sure you could even handle that one given your recent performance. Please take this as all my remarks are intended: constructively.

-I. Beetum
Partner/Unofficial Morale Director

 cc:

1. Partners & Staff
2. Accounting Today
3. Journal of Accountancy

  • (client) “Thanks for doing our taxes again this year. When you get a chance, would you look into why you sent us a bill last year?”
  • (client) “No, I paid the balance from last year, but did not pay any of the “estimated” tax vouchers. Is that an issue?  I figured that was only a suggestion. And why do I have a balance due?”
  • A tax manager should remember that there’s a reviewer checklist to be strictly followed and adhered to when reviewing a staff-prepared return and that such list should be discarded when reviewing a return prepared by a partner. How could a partner be wrong?
  • (client) “I got the tax returns you prepared for me but the return I drafted on TurboTax not only produced a lower tax but no tax at all…”
  • (client) “I know I owed money from last year that you said would be offset against this year’s refund but I don’t understand why they took my refund this year? Would you explain it to me for the 17th time?”
  • (the memory loss partner) “Look, we encourage good health but why are you going to the doctor during tax season?!?…….Do you see me going?!?….Can’t you wait until April 15?!?……You should have stopped coughing up blood by then and you’ll save the co-pay!”
  • (the wife) “I don’t care what time of the year it is! The fertilizer must be laid down no later than April 14!”
  • (client) “Great to see you again, Mr. Windee. Seems like only a year ago we spoke.”
  • (client) “Hi Mr. Windee. I received my w-2s today. I have no idea what the next step is with them. Could you let me know what I do?”
  • [an accounting firm partner]: “What happened with the Widget Corporation return??!!?? It was a 20-hour job that I priced at 10 hours and budgeted to do in 5 yet you put 7 hours in on it!!!! Where’s the 2 hours over budget gonna come from??!!?? Your paycheck??!!??”
  • Commensurate with the preceding, all partners want every minute applied to a charge code (except their own clients’). But when they cannot collect they must write such time off. So an hour of work by a $100/hour staff that cannot be billed must be written off. To the partner, that is like taking $100 out of their pockets despite such uncollected charges being what a colleague of mine once wisely coined “funny money.” Until you collect it, it’s just a theory.
  • (client) “Wow! The way you just explained my return to me makes it sound so simple! I’m good at math. Maybe I should try doing my returns myself.”
  • (the client from March 25 above) “I figured it out; you’re on a diet and don’t want to eat out. How about a Yankees game on April 13? It’s against the Orioles, a great rivalry!”
  • (client) “Why do I have to make a payment when my neighbor doesn’t?”
  • (the wife on April 12) “I don’t care about your silly client meeting at 6 pm. You tell your client that every Friday night is pizza night with the family and you must be home early. Besides, your top client will understand, trust me.”
  • (client) “If I only supported the Iraq war but not Afghanistan, may I get a reduction on my taxes?”
  • [that accounting firm partner in a voicemail]: “Where are you? You may have 3 inches of snow where you live but there’s no snow here at the office! And I hear it’s 78 degrees and sunny in Hawaii. How can you not drive when it’s 78 degrees and sunny??!!??”
  • (client) “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I OWE??!!?? I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GOOD ACCOUNTANT!!!”
  • Starting in late March, my firm has a shoot-to-wound policy: any tax professional who strays too far from the building receives a leg shot that allows them to keep functioning in front of a keyboard……..at least until April 15.
  • (the client from March 25 above) “I’m disappointed having not heard from you and it’s mid-April. I’ll give you one last chance: how about snowboarding the first week of July?”

-I.M. Windee

admin @ April 15, 2019