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A Windee Graduation Speech: Absolute Success Corrupts Absolutely

A Windee Graduation Speech: For Our Covid Era

Memorial Day: President Lincoln Weighs In

A Windee Graduation Speech: Absolute Success Corrupts Absolutely

Posted in: Ruminations | Comments (0)

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The following is one of a series published here every graduation season

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“Thank you for that extended ovation. It affirms my decision to request that audience applause signs be installed and an activation button placed under my foot.

Today you are here with the most opportunity laid before the feet of any graduating class. Disregard what is said about American Decline; you live in what is known to be the most technologically advanced society known to humanity. Yes, we have shortcomings to be addressed but how we communicate, our life expectancy and medical care, our housing, transportation, sources of knowledge, etc. overall exceed anything in the past.

You are set up for great success and many of you will achieve such.

Image result for otto von bismarckBud Fox 2

 A 19th-century German chancellor foresaw 20th-century corrupted people

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But if you do, I ask that you never lose your moorings. Never become, as my grandmother used to say, too big for your britches. In short, don’t let success go to your head to make you discard, assuming you now have them, the basic human values that we should always have.

If you look around your classmates, you will see several that will become wildly successful in the conventional, if not true, sense. There are likely several captains of industry amongst you.

Amongst them are some of the finest, down-to-earth people you may ever know. Unfortunately, that could well change when they achieve success.

I am familiar with a person who was worthy of beatification in his 20s. Through hard work and, of course, luck, he is now extremely successful in the corporate world. Unfortunately, such has skewed his judgment and now the status of the people he associates with, as well as the country clubs they belong to and their tax brackets, are the dispositive factor in whether they are worthy to be in his orbit.

The 19th-century German Chancellor Otto Von Bismarck once observed that absolute power corrupts absolutely. So too does absolute success corrupt the mores of even the best of people. I ask you not to fall into such trap.

I close with what Portfolia U’s administration has required me to remind you of: that your donations to your alma mater not only help humanity but are tax-deductible.

I must now take a large dose of Dramamine.

Godspeed to you.

-I.M. Windee

admin @ May 30, 2020

A Windee Graduation Speech: For Our Covid Era

Posted in: Ruminations | Comments (0)

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The following is one of a series published here every graduation season

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Thank you for that imputed, extended ovation I just gave to myself through the magic of computers with recorded applause.

Much unlike prior years, my sage words will be short and to the point given the current state of our Covid affairs and the fact that I can’t speak well wearing a mask. And by the way, my wife is right: my breath stinks.

 

im windee gives covid grad speech

Wait until I.M. Windee’s wife discovers where the other half of her bra went…along with the family can of Lysol

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So, as promised, I offer you no grand platitudes nor advice on taking over the world, let alone making it a better place.

My advice is more practical and for the moment. To wit:

 

FLEE!!!!

RUN!!!!

EVACUATE!!!

TAKE COVER!!!

SHELTER IN!!!

 

Thank you.

I must now mouthwash with Lysol and continue my ongoing, self-prescribed Covid vaccinations of cheap beer.

Godspeed to you all and I’ll see you on the other side.

-I.M. Windee

admin @ May 27, 2020

Memorial Day: President Lincoln Weighs In

Posted in: Guest Writers | Comments (0)

The following, published here every Memorial Day weekend and Veteran’s Day, is a letter from President Lincoln sent to a mother whose sons died in the Civil War for the Union cause

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Abraham Lincoln wearing a surgical mask public domain remix | Free ...

President Lincoln realized that sacrifice must be made to preserve the republic……….and that masks should be worn during pandemics

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Executive Mansion,
Washington, Nov. 21, 1864.

Dear Madam,

I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle. I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save. I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom.

Yours, very sincerely and respectfully,

A. Lincoln

admin @ May 22, 2020

Reflections From Not Just Another Tax Season

Posted in: Ruminations | Comments (0)

THE FOLLOWING IS UPDATED AND PUBLISHED EVERY APRIL 15

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An accountant recalls (non) Kodak moments from an unusual tax season

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As another tax busy season slogs to a close, this CPA has some memories:

  • (client) “I DON’T CARE ABOUT SOME PLAGUE!!! I SHOULD BE GETTING A $300 REFUND AND I WANT MY RETURN DONE NOW!!!”
  • (client) “Why must I give you the same forms that I gave to you last year? Can’t you just use those?”
  • (the wife on March 20) “I booked our vacation for April 1-7; we got a great rate!”
  • (a client on March 25) “I want to thank you for the great job on my taxes. How about dinner the first week of April?”
  • (client) “Why must I pay? I don’t like what the government does with my money!”
  • (client) “I realize you’re 5 days from a final deadline but I really wanna talk about tax planning for next year. Would you call me in the next hour?”

Vineyard USA Chaplain: 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005

The attire for this year’s tax season was unlike any prior year’s

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  • Some clients you must gently warn of the potential downsides of aggressive tax positions; others you must read the federal sentencing guidelines to.
  • The public accounting analog to “will you love me in the morning?” is “will you still employ me after April 15?”
  • (client) “Mr. Windee: in response to your request for my wage statements, I enclose all of my charitable contributions. I trust you now have everything and can complete my return.”
  • Perhaps more than any other industry, CPA firms go all-out to be named “one of the best firms to work for.” An excellent rule of thumb is when you see a firm with one or several such awards, avoid it like the plague…at least as an employee.
  • (client) “Hi. I dropped my taxes off this morning and was wondering if I could pick  up my returns now.”
  • “I wasn’t expecting such a high quote of $400 to have your firm do my taxes. I think I’ll just go back to H&R Block and pay $500.”
  • Being a public-accountant is the art of wanting to tell some of your clients “go &@%#!$%!* yourself!!!” but instead saying “thank you for being my client.”
  • (partner) “Look, I know that Widget Corp. is and has been a tough client who had 3 bookkeepers last year, multiple staff turnover on our side and their books are a mess; not to mention that the owner is recalcitrant and disagrees with everything for the sake of disagreeing. BUT WHY ARE WE OVERBUDGET WITH THEM AND THEIR TAXES NOT COMPLETED??!!??”
  • During tax season, snow days reveal the inherent dichotomy of mindset between staff and management. For staff, a light dusting means staying home for a week and hoping the apocalypse will pass. For management, 3 feet of snow can be easily driven in if you have 4-wheel drive and good tires.
  • (partner) “I’m glad you came in on the new daylight savings time. But remember: at the end of the day it is really an hour earlier under the old time so feel free to stay and make it up.”
  • (to client): “We need your brokerage statements to complete your return.” (client): “Okay. What do you need to complete my return?”
  • (client e-mail) I still have to get you the remainder of my tax papers. :) And the deadline is only 2 weeks away. :) :)  I’ll be on vacation next week in the Bahamas. :) :) :) I’ll get you everything when I get back. :) :) :) :) Boy, I bet you could use a vacation! :) :) :) :) :)
  • (client) “I only gave 4 of the 24 pages of my brokerage statement to you as I did not want to overwhelm you. I also figured that this would keep the bill for your services down. You’re welcome.”
  • (client) “Is a deposit on my grave tax-deductible?”  Yes, in the after-life.
  • (client) “I tagged and identified what each self-explanatory document is (1099, w-2, etc.) just in case you couldn’t understand them. But I threw my receipts in an envelope and assume you can figure them out.”
  • (client) “Mr. Windee: I got your voicemail about brokerage statements and to answer your question, I included the food store flier as I took advantage of their 10% Off Sale and wasn’t sure if that had tax implications.
  • (client) “This is unbelievable. You mean I owe $200,000 of taxes on 1 million dollars of income??!!?? I can’t comprehend this misfortune!!! WHY??!!??”
  • For a deceased client’s final return, what address do you use? Heaven? Hell? How about their occupation? Corpse?
  • (I.M. Windee after a performance review): “That which does not kill you puts you in the ICU.”
  • (a partner): “I am sensitive to the fact that you are commuting 3 hours a day and am granting your request to work at home 1 day a week: Sundays.”
  • When the recruiter who has been non-responsive to you puts a video on LinkedIn using a sock-puppet to explain the recruiter-candidate relationship, you quickly come to the harsh reality that the sock-puppet will find a job for you far quicker than the recruiter.
  • (client) “IT’S %^&%%#%$#-ING PALM SUNDAY AND YOU WANNA TALK TO ME ABOUT TAXES THAT I OWE??!!??  THIS IS HORSE-&$%&%!!!! I WANTED TO SPEND THIS @%$&*%$%-ING HOLY DAY WITH MY FAMILY!!!”
  • (a partner in a performance review): “Look, I know you do not want to exceed budgets but you MUST record all of your time. Now, about the Widget Co. return, YOU BLEW THE BUDGET!!!  WHAT HAPPENED??!!??”
  • Most public accounting firms have a two-prong employee retention program: high unemployment and the counter-offer.
  • (client) “I know you might be busy as it’s April 10 but I got the 17th and final notice before levy for me to file a franchise tax return for 2 years ago. I didn’t give you the prior 16 notices as I assumed this would all blow over. They gave us 10 days from receipt to file which means it must be submitted tomorrow.”
  • (client) “I don’t mind [sort of] paying you for your services but my refund was only $300; isn’t your fee of $200 a bit much compared to my refund?”
  • To the client who generously gave $20,000 of non-cash donations in the form of various household items: “Your New Jersey return shows a refund, would you like to donate to any of the charitable causes listed on it?” The answer is predictable.
  • (the client from March 25 above) “I haven’t heard from you. May I presume Friday night, April 1?”
  • (client) “Is there a box I may check on the return that switches me from Liberal to Conservative so I may pay less? Those wild-eyed Conservatives are starting to look more reasonable.”
  • (client) “My taxes this year should be easy as there’s not much to report: most of my income was paid in cash.”
  • A power outage made me appreciate auto-save and document recovery in many programs. How was it done before computers? A power outage meant all work on paper was lost, no doubt.
  • (client) “It’s so stressful trying to get my papers to you. How do you do it?”
  • When a partner tells you that you’re not paying for yourself when you work 50 hours a week and are billed out at 3 times what you are paid, you feel like the $4 candy bar that hotels claim they lose money on.
  • (the wife when working home): “DON’T TELL ME IT’S MARCH 30 AND YOU’RE BUSY WITH TAXES!! I SAW YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM WHICH IS NOT EXACTLY ‘WORKING FROM HOME’! Now the garage needs painting; put on your overalls and grab a brush. After that you’re take me shopping.”
  • (client)  “Did you e-file my returns yet?” IMW: “No, did you send back authorization to do so?” Client: “No, but why didn’t you e-file my returns yet?”
  • (an accounting firm partner calling on the phone) “I’m looking at line 17 of Schedule E of the Smith return. How did you get to that amount?!?…..What do you mean you can’t recall?!?….YOU PREPARED THE RETURN ONLY 2 MONTHS AGO!…..You want to refresh your memory?!?…..What do you think this is, the courtroom?!?…..I think you’re suffering from memory loss!”
  • (virtually any accounting firm partner in the full-heat portion of their career e-mailing a staff member) “We are in the business of providing answers to our clients. If every time they came to us with a question and we responded with a deer in the headlight look, they would not come back to us. Which means they would not pay us. Which means we would not pay you. I trust you see the interrelationship. If you are unable to immediately provide answers to complex, arcane and often unexplored questions of tax law, may I suggest another shop? Jackson Hewitt and H&R Block come to mind. At least there you would be only asked what the standard deduction amount is, although I’m not sure you could even handle that one given your recent performance. Please take this as all my remarks are intended: constructively.

-I. Beetum
Partner/Unofficial Morale Director

cc:

1. Partners & Staff
2. Accounting Today
3. Journal of Accountancy

  • (client) “Thanks for doing our taxes again this year. When you get a chance, would you look into why you sent us a bill last year?”
  • (client) “No, I paid the balance from last year, but did not pay any of the “estimated” tax vouchers. Is that an issue?  I figured that was only a suggestion. And why do I have a balance due?”
  • A tax manager should remember that there’s a reviewer checklist to be strictly followed and adhered to when reviewing a staff-prepared return and that such list should be discarded when reviewing a return prepared by a partner. How could a partner be wrong?
  • (client) “I got the tax returns you prepared for me but the return I drafted on TurboTax not only produced a lower tax but no tax at all…”
  • (client) “I know I owed money from last year that you said would be offset against this year’s refund but I don’t understand why they took my refund this year? Would you explain it to me for the 17th time?”
  • (the memory loss partner) “Look, we encourage good health but why are you going to the doctor during tax season?!?…….Do you see me going?!?….Can’t you wait until April 15?!?……You should have stopped coughing up blood by then and you’ll save the co-pay!”
  • (the wife) “I don’t care what time of the year it is! The fertilizer must be laid down no later than April 14!”
  • (client) “Great to see you again, Mr. Windee. Seems like only a year ago we spoke.”
  • (client) “Hi Mr. Windee. I received my w-2s today. I have no idea what the next step is with them. Could you let me know what I do?”
  • [an accounting firm partner]: “What happened with the Widget Corporation return??!!?? It was a 20-hour job that I priced at 10 hours and budgeted to do in 5 yet you put 7 hours in on it!!!! Where’s the 2 hours over budget gonna come from??!!?? Your paycheck??!!??”
  • Commensurate with the preceding, all partners want every minute applied to a charge code (except their own clients’). But when they cannot collect they must write such time off. So an hour of work by a $100/hour staff that cannot be billed must be written off. To the partner, that is like taking $100 out of their pockets despite such uncollected charges being what a colleague of mine once wisely coined “funny money.” Until you collect it, it’s just a theory.
  • (client) “Wow! The way you just explained my return to me makes it sound so simple! I’m good at math. Maybe I should try doing my returns myself.”
  • (the client from March 25 above) “I figured it out; you’re on a diet and don’t want to eat out. How about a Yankees game on April 13? It’s against the Orioles, a great rivalry!”
  • (client) “Why do I have to make a payment when my neighbor doesn’t?”
  • (the wife on April 12) “I don’t care about your silly client meeting at 6 pm. You tell your client that every Friday night is pizza night with the family and you must be home early. Besides, your top client will understand, trust me.”
  • (client) “If I only supported the Iraq war but not Afghanistan, may I get a reduction on my taxes?”
  • [that accounting firm partner in a voicemail]: “Where are you? You may have 3 inches of snow where you live but there’s no snow here at the office! And I hear it’s 78 degrees and sunny in Hawaii. How can you not drive when it’s 78 degrees and sunny??!!??”
  • (client) “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I OWE??!!?? I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GOOD ACCOUNTANT!!!”
  • Starting in late March, my firm has a shoot-to-wound policy: any tax professional who strays too far from the building receives a leg shot that allows them to keep functioning in front of a keyboard……..at least until April 15.
  • (the client from March 25 above) “I’m disappointed having not heard from you and it’s mid-April. I’ll give you one last chance: how about snowboarding the first week of July?”

-I.M. Windee

admin @ April 15, 2020

A Trip Down Pre-Corona Memory Lane…

Posted in: Ruminations | Comments (0)

Can anyone remember?….

  • Impeachment?
  • The hashtag guillotine?
  • The Squad
  • The emoluments clause (I think it had to do with the oil industry)
  • The Democrat presidential candidates? (no worries, Joe Biden is hard-pressed to also)

the squadKim-Kardashian-2008

As society faces a true crisis, the lesser voices recede into the background

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  • Going through a drive-thru without worrying if it could be a life-threatening event?
  • When we used to think nurses and doctors were a privileged and overpaid class?
  • When we thought pharmaceutical companies were evil and should be punished, if not put out of business?
  • Someone else’s body…err…..fragrance?
  • When we thought loners were nuts?
  • When someone clearing their throat didn’t cause severe apprehension?
  • When someone coughing didn’t make you hit the deck?
  • When the smell of Lysol didn’t make you feel safe and secure?
  • When you didn’t call home every hour to get an inventory of the supply of toilet paper; and then run a sophisticated projection to see how many years you could go, with current stockpile, if supply was suddenly cut?
  • When eating in was the only option you could ever want?
  • People cutting you off on the road?
  • The road?
  • When we cared about the Kardashians?
  • When you memorized the Monopoly game board?
  • Laughter?
  • Churchill’s war-time remark “Let them look back and say ‘this was their finest hour’ “

-I.M. Windee

admin @ April 5, 2020

A Message From Currencia U.’s President….

Posted in: Ruminations | Comments (0)

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…and a donor worthy of a urinal

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Dear Alumnus-

I write to you with both an update and a challenge.

In regards to the update, it has been a good year for the return on our endowment which has exceeded the Dow Jones average by 3.68%. Additionally, alumni generosity has been robust. Still, there is much to be done.

As many of you might have heard, Charles Herbert (“Chuck”) Hedgecroft XVII embraces this university’s vision for greatness and donated 15 million dollars to us for our Make the World Great fundraising campaign. Because such gift helped us to exceed our 75 million dollar goal sooner than expected, we have increased it to 100 million dollars to allow others to follow the inspirational lead of Chuck. We have re-named the Mortimer Bancroft (“Bo”) Buckingham XIV School of Business to the Charles Herbert Hedgecroft XVII Center for Business Studies and Human Advancement (Mr. Buckingham, who had donated 10 million dollars prior, declined to get into a bidding war given mounting legal bills for his insider trading indictment). As part of Mr. Hedgecroft’s donation terms, a lottery will be held to select 10 people from those currently receiving scholarships who must name their first-born “Hedgecroft.” Additionally, each individual must serve as a human lawn jockey at his estate for 2 of Mr. Hedgecroft’s social gatherings (I will be serving 3).

Other donors who received recognition are as follows:

  • Salvatore Giancome had all of the dumpsters on the undergraduate campus named in his honor for a $5mm donation and will attend a ceremony marking such once he is on parole.
  • George Mellencup Winthrop XXVII donated $3mm and will have a row of urinals in the Henderson Hall male lavatory named after him. He remarked that he’s not sure he’s worthy of such but embraces this honor nonetheless.
  • Roger and Mitzi Howell will have the stalls in the Ezekial Vance Capote Trans-gender Bath and Reflection Room named after them for their $2mm gift.
  • James Arthur and Catherine Elizabeth McDowell gave $1mm and will have all of the feminine napkin dispensers in both male and female restrooms on campus emblazoned with their names. Catherine said they now feel they have made a difference with this honor.
  • A number of devoted alumni, too numerous and anemic in donation to mention, have shown their loyalty and will be having desks, staplers and hole-punchers named after them (for 1 year and then such will be up for bid again).

There are plenty of structures left on the campus for your name to be on so I ask that you consider such. Note also that there is an upgrade program so if you can only start out at the soap dispenser or trash can level, there are ways to enhance your status.

The George Mellencup Winthrop XXVII Honorary Urinals display a commitment to Currencia U. that all alumni should aspire to and represents the very best of his and the university’s values 

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The “Save Africa from Famine” fundraiser was a huge success that brought in $2.5mm which allowed us to airdrop 3 pallets of Cup-O-Noodles and a case of wet-wipes into the most needy part of Africa. The remainder of the funds went to administrative costs and a rainy-day fund for urgent needs that may arise.

Now to the future.

The Phillip Winthrop Jones building on the Charles Herbert Hedgecroft XVII Center for Business Studies and Human Advancement has now been officially declared obsolete by the Board of Trustees. Built 7 years ago at a cost of $72mm, it was state-of-the-art. But as the demands of education evolve, existing structures like it become outdated and I almost feel ashamed to see our students have to trudge into it each day, as I’m sure you would too. To replace it, we will require a fund drive (named “Great Hearts, Deep Pockets“). It will kick off with a donor’s conference in which anyone who wishes to donate at least $5,000 is invited (the fee to attend has yet to be determined, cash bar).

And as you may know, the proliferation of all of our financial needs has created the necessity for an infrastructure to administer these drives and funds received. I thank the board for its foresightedness in approving a fund drive that will allow us to have a world-class fundraising staff. I am always amazed at, and grateful for, the vision that our board displays when it comes to dealing with financial challenges. I know that the donors who created the administrative burden through their contributions will step up and help us deal with it.

To that end, the Board hired a consulting firm to study and advise how we can further encourage our alumni to show their loyalty and spirit. This firm came up with 2 cutting-edge ideas that we will implement immediately. First, we have decided to offer to our generous donors the option of buying enhanced-fonts for their names when we publish the donor lists in our alumni magazines. For a further showing of loyalty through gifting, their names can be in bold with a pronounced background color. Secondly, we have decided to issue a “non-donors” list. The consultants say this will encourage those who are unsure about whether to support advancing the cause of humanity by contributing to Currencia to do so. The Board wholeheartedly agrees.

Finally, it has come to my attention that society focuses far too much on materialism and the accumulation of money. This must change. Currencia University, through a soon to-be-announced fundraiser, will hold a study and symposium on how our culture can move away from its obsession with acquiring wealth and instead allow us to devote ourselves to advancing the causes that Currencia University does, such as eradicating overseas poverty, ending world famine, eliminating armed conflicts, and addressing global warming, to name just a few. Such an agenda requires a strong financial commitment from you, as I’m sure you’re aware.

St. Igantius said “Act as if everything depended on you.” I and the board read such to mean give profusely to Currencia University. I’m sure you share our interpretation and will donate to help us make the world, and the universe, a better place.

Always in God’s name,

The Very Reverend Phineas Taylor Barnum, S.J., CFO, MBA

President

(with clarity provided by I.M. Windee)

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While this should be published every time I.M. Windee thinks he has received far too many alma mater solicitations, such would occur every week. So it is posted at year-end when these fine institutions appeal to the personal tax-reduction benevolence of donors.

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admin @ December 26, 2019

Santa Flies into the Liberal State: Rudolph’s Big Carbon Footprint

Posted in: Ruminations | Comments (0)

THE FOLLOWING IS UPDATED AND PUBLISHED EVERY CHRISTMAS  SEASON

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North Pole (AP [Arctic Press]) – In what can best be described as one of Santa Claus’ worst weeks ever, the corporate conglomerate better known as Kris Kringle Inc. (“KKI”) was on the receiving end of the wrath of the federal government, former President Obama, #metoo, Occupy Wall Street, congressional Democrats, organized labor and feminists.

On Monday morning, the Department of Justice led the charge by filing a suit in federal court alleging that KKI was, in fact, a monopoly. An Obama administration holdover took the reins (pardon the pun) and held a press conference explaining the action. ”One of the greatest threats to our economy is the erosion of free competition in our markets. And no one best exemplifies a lack of free competition better than Santa Claus and his corporate behemoth, Kris Kringle Inc. Think about it, is there any other entity out there that rides around the world on Christmas Eve and provides gifts to children? The answer is a resounding “NO!” And given that he does not charge anything for such gifts, we are looking into anti-dumping violations especially as we believe that some of his toys were not produced by his elves but in China.”

Image result for santa
Kris Kringle: terrorist, or worse, male chauvinist?

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The day only got worse as Monday afternoon saw the Environmental Protection Agency seek a court injunction against Mr. Claus’ Christmas Eve run. Apparently, the team of reindeer are considered “ruminant livestock” that are capable of producing tons of methane gas that contribute to global warming. In a press conference, an EPA spokes-something said that global warming should not be a partisan issue and that all thinking people, who care about Mother Earth, should be against Rudolph and his methane-emitting co-conspirators (Afterwards, she admitted [off the record] that EPA press conferences emit more hot air into the atmosphere than do the other alleged sources).

From California Gov. Gavin Newsom’s office came a statement that if Mr. Claus and his reindeer wanted to enter its airspace he would have to pay a special carbon-emission tax.

Rounding out the Monday barrage, former President Obama held a rare news conference since leaving office and wondered aloud if Mr. Claus was paying “his fair share” in taxes. He then went on to demand that Mr. Claus release his tax returns and suggested that a squadron of F-16s escort Mr. Claus in his sled as he flew over the United States given that he believes Santa should be on the Homeland Security Terrorist Watch List, along with Donald Trump.

Tuesday turned out to be no better as members of congress got into the fracas. In Mr. Claus, they found their pigeon…err…man. Senator Schumer of New York thundered “Santa has to decide whether he is for the middle class or against it! Donald Trump, too! And throw in Richard Nixon for good measure.” House Speaker Nancy Pelosi suggested that Santa’s operation may fall under financial services regulations and, if not, vowed to pass legislation so that it would be, until she remembered it was no longer 2010 and that Democrats no longer controlled all of government.

Then came rumor that Chairman Adam Schiff’s House Intelligence Committee is looking into Mr. Claus’ potential illicit ties to Russia given the close proximity of his home base in the North Pole.

Wednesday continued Mr. Claus’ lousy streak: Occupy Wall Street unearthed itself and got into the fray as only they can: “Occupy North Pole.” Actually, they could not get up there due to logistics and the fact that there are no Starbucks nor bodegas at the top of the world. But they were there in spirit, protesting, and held “virtual sit-ins” smack dab at the North Pole. And their message was clear as a frozen bell: Mr. Claus is worse than the 1% as he is the only one. “ELITIST!!” they whined.

Thursday saw Randi Weingarten, president of the American Federation of Teachers, assert that the fall of Santa shows how wrong Education Secretary Betsy DeVos’s policies are. When pressed, she could not elaborate.

Then National Organization for Women president Terry O’Neill asserted that Santa Claus could well be a male chauvinist as he keeps Mrs. Claus home to bake cookies, knit sweaters and maintain the home. Ms. O’Neill said an intervention is planned to rescue Mrs. Claus from “the surly bonds of 1950s male domination.”

Related, reporters at the Washington Post have discovered that when dating, Mr. Claus gave Mrs. Claus an unexpected smooch. While well-received by her, the #metoo movement has been trying to persuade her to join them so as not to send the wrong message that giving a peck on the cheek in a horse-drawn sleigh-ride in the countryside is acceptable behavior.

Finally, on Friday, Richard Trumka, AFL-CIO President, pointed out that Santa’s elves are not unionized and thus likely exploited. He went on to say “and to my fellow worker elves, we are with you, we feel your pain whether it exists or not, and UNION YES!!”

Sensing potential political downside to this onslaught on a Christmas icon,  a joint press conference was held with lifetime bureaucrats from the Department of Labor and Department of Energy. The Energy bureaucrat reassured Mr. Claus that if KKI had to abandon its “core business model” (he looked confused when he used such term), the Energy Department would help him get into the alternative energy industry. As if on cue, the Labor bureaucrat urged congress for extended unemployment benefits legislation. But he went on to implicitly threaten Mr. Claus by saying that in the spirit of transparency, his operation would have to set up a website similar to ObamaCare’s. That caused a chill in the North Pole, no doubt.

Mr. Claus could not be reached for comment but reports say he was huddling with a team of lawyers planning his next moves.

-I.M. Windee

admin @ December 17, 2019

The Democrats’ Impeachment Cartoon….

Posted in: Ruminations | Comments (0)

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…with Bugs McConnell and Elmer J. Nadler

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The House Judiciary Committee chaired by Democrat Rep. Jerry Nadler opens impeachment hearings tomorrow and just as the House Intelligence Committee hearings did, I will be reminded of Bugs Bunny turning Elmer J. Fudd’s gun against him.
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Watch for Bugs McConnell to turn the Democrats’ guns on them during the Senate impeachment trial

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It could be very entertaining to watch the impeachment trial in the hands of Senate leader Mitch McConnell, more aptly Bugs McConnell.
 
Don’t think he will not be paying attention to the Iowa and New Hampshire campaign calendars.
 
No doubt when Sens. Warren or Sanders have a big campaign event in either state, there will be an impeachment procedural vote that they must attend, if not the actual trial itself.
 
I suspect Mr. McConnell will have inconveniently timed adjournments of the trial to sort through matters, only to be resolved as soon as the good senators set foot in the Hawkeye or Granite states. So unless Sens. Warren or Sanders want nothing but to rack up frequent flier mileage, I recommend they not even waste their time flying to either state for as soon as their planes touch down, they will have to taxi for take-off to head back to D.C.
 
And while as a Republican or non-Liberal American it is foolish to wish an impeachment since no one knows where it will go, as it is a fait accompli, I will sit back and enjoy the anguish Sens. Warren or Sanders will go through when having to choose between the campaign trail or their Senate duties, to the extent they will even have a choice.
 
And all this for what will be a non-removal despite the likes of the Democrats and Sen. Mitt McCain.
 
I recommend to Mr. McConnell that he tell the good senators to forward all complaints to House Committee Chairmen Schiff and Nadler as they’ll have made it all possible.

-I.M. Windee

admin @ December 3, 2019

Turkeygate

Posted in: Ruminations | Comments (0)

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A Presidential pardon leads to yet another Trump scandal

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Last week President Trump joked about this year’s White House turkeys, Bread & Butter, being subpoenaed by Adam Schiff’s Intelligence Committee after the president pardoned them in an annual White House tradition.

Yet as much as the president wants to change the subject, some serious questions were raised.

To wit, was there a quid pro quo between the president and the turkeys? Perhaps the turkeys gave the names of other turkeys that are tastier in exchange for their commutation.

President Trump tried to joke away yet another scandal that while the majority of American people may not spot, the Democrats certainly will

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And was any of the grain that the turkeys ate imported from Russia, which would show yet another interference into American politics by Vladimir Putin?

Maybe the president wanted to gain some good publicity as he goes into his re-election campaign. Did the turkeys, through their pardons, provide value to his campaign that exceeded federal campaign limits?

And what was the gender of the turkeys? We know Trump has a soft spot for females? Did that affect his decision?

Also, little is spoken of the farm the turkeys came from. Did the president have a financial interest, direct or indirect, in the farm? A foreign farm could bring up issues with the emoluments clause of the constitution.

Most importantly, has Mr. Trump’s lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, had a turkey sandwich he didn’t like within the past year? Such could show an undue influence by Giuliani on the administration’s policies.

As Chairman Schiff has quoted Ben Franklin, we “have a republic if [we] can keep it,” we should never forget that the republic cannot be preserved if  pardons of turkeys are made by self-interested presidents, whether Republican or Democrat.

Depending upon how this scandal unfolds, Mr. Trump may be able to show that Bread & Butter are not the only turkeys in Washington, D.C.

-I.M. Windee

admin @ December 2, 2019

Veteran’s Day: President Lincoln Weighs In

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The following, published here every Memorial Day weekend and Veteran’s Day, is a letter from President Lincoln sent to a mother whose sons died in the Civil War for the Union cause

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President Lincoln realized that sacrifice must be made to preserve the republic

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Executive Mansion,
Washington, Nov. 21, 1864.

Dear Madam,

I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle. I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save. I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom.

Yours, very sincerely and respectfully,

A. Lincoln

admin @ November 9, 2019