Observations from a Family Vacation (continued)
Paradise Resort, Myrtle Beach, S.C. – Further observations from my week-long family vacation (March to Bataan):
- Are joggers on the beach exercising or doing a fast-paced “cat-walk” to show off their physiques?
- Anyone who accuses me of taking my kids from one activity to another to another in order to wear them out (war of attrition) is correct: it’s an effective strategy that I highly recommend.
- Watching a pouchy 45 year-old trying to embark a water tube in a river pool can only have 1 of 2 possible endings: hilarity or hilarity with injury. I’m relieved to say that this year I mounted the water tube without injury, but was immediately ejected. The phrase “fanny over tea kettle” is apropos.
- Seinfeld introduced us to the “Soup Nazi.” The resort I was at had the “River Pool Nazi.” Among the written rules, only one person in a tube, every person must have a tube……or a night in the box (Cool Hand Luke). And an unwritten rule that the pool warden reminded us was 3 strikes (warnings) and you’re out. I’m all for law and order but I was hoping to escape, just for a few days, the regiment of the corporate world with endless (and unnecessary) rules and protocol. Hopefully this pool warden will not become the next George Zimmerman.
- I’d like to add a tenth circle of hell to Dante’s Inferno: a hotel elevator full of screaming kids (impatience). At a minimum, we should use such technique in Guantanamo for the most hardened terrorists; we’d break them immediately.
- I walked the beach and saw no interracial strife despite what the MSNBC carnival barkers and the Reverends Sharpton and Jackson say.
- Sitting on the beach, sipping a beer and enjoying the ocean breeze, I was glad to be where I was rather than in my parent’s ’69 Chevrolet station wagon as a kid on vacation.
- Future leaders who will take their country to war (or CEOs) are the kids now who will get into a fight over beach toys with no provocation.
- I do not recommend resting your face into a chaise lounge that has sweat, alcohol and suntan lotion baked into it by the sun. Again, perhaps a technique to be considered for Guantanamo.
- It is very easy to differentiate the married from the unmarried couples on the beach: the unmarried couples hold hands, talk to each other and listen attentively; the married people walk a minimum of 10 feet apart, act like the other doesn’t exist, talk to themselves and listen attentively.
- What are people thinking when, in front of large-lettered signs prohibiting reserving beach chairs by placing items on them, they go ahead and do such? Is this further evidence of the failure of the American education system as I assume such people can’t read the signs?
- “No Diapers Allowed in the Hot Tub”. This was a posted sign in the recreation area and I believe I might have found the one thing that anyone, and everyone, in this country can agree with. From the bellicose Liberal to the bloviating conservative talk-show host, everyone can hold hands like a Pepsi commercial on this precept. Let us unify the nation around this rallying cry!
- Too many people are more than willing to give driving directions, in a very authoritative manner, when they have no idea what the hell they are talking about.
- If you’re going to travel anywhere with the family that takes more than 6 hours to drive, I recommend flying, in separate planes.
- I look goofy with or without the Krispy Kreme hat on that my children direct me to wear, so I wear it. Got a problem with that?
- I can’t believe I am saying this, but there were times when I wish I were in my parent’s ’69 Chevrolet station wagon as a kid on vacation than where I was.
There is a saying “I need a vacation from my vacation.”
Amen.
-I.M. Windee
