Civil War and Parenting Heroics
Civil War hero Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain commanded a Union regiment at the Battle of Gettysburg. Out of ammunition and in a state of desperation while defending a critical hill that, if taken by the Confederates would’ve exposed the entire Union army to destruction, he ordered one of the most brutal military actions: a bayonet charge. The day and arguably the ultimate Union victory was saved.
The following is a portion of his recount of that 90 minutes in a letter he wrote 4 days later. Inserted in [BOLD LETTERING] is this father’s recount of a similar recent battle with his 8 and 10 year olds:
The struggle of an hour & a half [MOST OF THE DAY SINCE THE CRUMB-CRUNCHERS WOKE UP] was desperate in the extreme [SEEMINGLY HOPELESS AT TIMES]: four times did we lose & win that space of ten yards between the contending lines, which was strewn with dead and dying [COUNTLESS TIMES DID I TAKE AND RE-TAKE THE DEN AND KITCHEN, WHICH WAS LITTERED WITH TOYS, BROKEN ITEMS AND WHAT APPEARED TO HAVE BEEN AT SOME POINT EDIBLE FOOD, ALTHOUGH TOO MUTILATED TO TELL]. I repeatedly sent to the rear reports of my condition [I INFORMED MY WIFE OF THE IMINENT DESTRUCTION OF THE HOUSE], that my ammunition was exhausted [MY PATIENCE WAS RUNNING OUT], & that I could hold the position but a few minutes longer [I WAS ABOUT TO LOSE MY SANITY].
Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain & I.M. Windee:
2 battle-hardened veterans
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………In the midst of this, our ammunition utterly failed [MY WIFE’S ADVICE TO REASON WITH THEM IN THE SPIRIT OF MODERN PARENTING WAS MET WITH SNEERING CONTEMPT AND DISREGARD BY THE KIDS]……..Officers came to me, shouting that we were “annihilated” [MY WIFE AND I CONCLUDED THE BATTLE WAS BEING LOST]…..I saw that the defensive could not be maintained not an instant longer [I HAD TO CHANGE MY TACTICS IMMEDIATELY OR THE PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP WOULD BE LOST FOREVER], & with a few gallant officers rallied the line, ordered “bayonets fixed,” & “forward” on the run. My men went down upon the enemy with a wild shout [REALIZING THERE WAS NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE, I FIXED THE PARENTAL BAYONET (AN EXTENDED HAND IN THE SPANKING POSITION) AND WITH A GUTTERAL, DEMONIC SHOUT, SWEPT FORWARD INTO THE DEN]…the rebels seemed so petrified with astonishment that their front line scarcely offered to run or fire [IN WHAT HAD TO BE IMMEDIATE INCONTINENCE ON MY KIDS PART, THEY BROKE AND RAN, WITH A PETRIFIED LOOK, THROUGH THE KITCHEN, DINING ROOM, LIVING ROOM AND UP THE STAIRS TO THEIR RESPECTIVE REDOUBTS (BEDROOMS). NOT A HAND WAS LAID. THEREAFTER, THEY CAME OUT OF THEIR ROOMS WITH THE OFFER TO CLEAN THE CARNAGE THEY HAD CAUSED. ORDER HAD FALLEN UPON THE HOUSE (AND HAS LASTED SINCE). THAT NIGHT, GIVEN THE UNUSUALLY CHILLY WEATHER FOR LATE SPRING, THE VICTORIOUS PARENT CHOSE TO REFLECT ON THE DAY'S BATTLE OVER A CAMPSIDE FIRE IN THE SAME WAY AS DONE AFTER BATTLES PAST. THE FIREPLACE WAS FED MODERN PARENTING BOOKS, WITH NO REGRETS].
-I.M. Windee
