After Record Rains, New Jersey Declares A Drought


With record rainfall, Planet Jersey sees a revenue opportunity


Trenton – Today the government of New Jersey declared that as a result of record rainfall this year, there is a drought. As a consequence, a government spokesperson said that New Jersey will be enacting a “dustbowl tax” to address the matter, sort of.

While the spokesperson conceded this is one of the wettest seasons on record, resulting from global warming, George Bush and red states, which has created overflowing rivers and lakes, by New Jersey standards, the state is a virtual desert.

The “dustbowl tax” will only be enacted on those with income over $500,000 (“millionaires”) because, as a leading legislative figure pointed out off-the-record (on for a white envelope), “while they use the least water, they are also the most passive of all taxpayers and will resist the least. Hey, it’s an easy target. Ever see The Sopranos?”

After biblical rains, New Jersey declares a drought and, of course, a tax


Various leaders of public workers unions wholeheartedly supported the measure.

A spokesperson for the New Jersey Education Association said “while we blame Governor Christie¬† for this drought mess we are in as well as the extinction of dinosaurs, we are glad to see that this disaster is recognized and being cleaned up. We look forward to talking at the bargaining table about how New Jersey educators will get their fair share of these sorely-needed funds for compensation and pensions, all to help the kids, of course.”

An insider for the New Jersey Fraternal Order of Police demurred off-the-record “we’ll get our piece…quietly.”

The Communication Workers of America, New Jersey’s largest state workers union, issued a statement saying “it’s time public workers in this state get the same treatment as the “1%.” When pressed for clarification, it amended its statement to say “we look forward to a piece of this action.”

As the preamble of the drought tax legislation states that its enactment is to address the “arid conditions recently inflicted upon New Jersey,” the body of the law allocates all tax revenue received to government worker wages and pensions.

A leading legislator said that future legislation will be enacted to actually address the drought and raise tax revenue for it, as well as deal with gay marriage.

-I.M. Windee


No Comments so far.

Leave a Reply