Holiday Observations
Some observations from the holidays:
- If you listen to Karen Carpenter Christmas songs too much, you run a high risk of developing diabetes.
- Is it really true that receipt of a certain car in December (one to remember) will cause rapture or at least make your marriage and family life great?
- While the parking lot of a Catholic church after holy communion is still the most dangerous place on the planet, the parking lot of a store on Christmas Eve is a close second.
- My barber asked me about my Christmas Eve. Caught off-guard, as I barely cared myself, I wondered how much she was concerned about such.
- My same barber said that once 9 pm rolls around on Christmas Day, she considers the holiday over: it’s good to know the deeper meaning of Christmas carries with many, or perhaps just some.
- People in the store and parking lot on Christmas Eve have a sense of seriousness that perhaps only the special forces who meted out justice to Osama Bin Laden had right before they carried out their mission: shopping is a serious matter, apparently.
- If you are going to use the self-checkout line, especially on Christmas Eve, you better know what you’re doing. The minute you show the slightest hint of doubt or inefficiency, a posse is ready to form and hang you. People have places to go, after all.
- I’m told to ensure that the “To” on the gifts ostensibly from Santa to my children do not look like my writing. Can a 7 and 9 year old really decipher handwriting?
- Was that a fellow church-goer in the store parking lot giving me the finger after I got the spot he wanted?
- If I bought everything my kids wanted for Christmas, I would single-handedly take the entire global economy out of recession and into prosperity for at least 3 decades.
- Why do females wrap gifts better than me? Ah! Now I remember: I don’t care about wrapping gifts.
- I found myself wishing “Happy Holiday” to someone I didn’t even know I was saying such to, let alone know what I was saying.
- When I was growing up in the 70s, putting the toys together, a duty that fathers were conscripted into, caused great heartburn, but ultimately was a mission accomplished. Now, separating the toys from the packaging they are affixed to requires no less than a blow-torch, if even successful with that.
- Frosty the Snowman was bi-political: he was obese (politically incorrect) but he also melted, thus proving gloabl warming (politically correct).
Happy holidays and have a healthy new year.
-I.M. Windee
